Hi all, we've just discovered that I'm 5 weeks pregnant - with our first. It was somewhat planned, but my hubby just doesn't seam excited. He's always been honest with me and said that he may not actually ever want kids, and I've always been honest in that I really want kids. So he's being supportive etc, but has anyone else had the same thing with their OH. A lot of friends say when baby actually arrives he will feel different, but what if he doesn't?....
5 Weeks preggers and hubby not excited...
- Thread starter FishMama
- Start date
If he doesn't it is something you will need to deal with. My husband was completely disinterested in our child for at least 8 months after she was born. He took off on vacation for almost his entire 6 week paternity leave leaving me home with a newborn. It wasn't until she was really walking and talking a bit that he actually started to do anything with her and as she gets older and is able to communicate he seems to be spending a bit more time with her. But, he still has never given a bath, prepared or fed her a meal, put the baby to bed or changed a diaper.
Oh my goodness elle you poor thing my heart really goes out to you.
FishMama, firstly congratulations!!!! With your husband just give him some time and I'm sure he will come round. My husband wanted children but it didn't stopped him from being like a rabbit in head lights when he realized he was going to be a daddy. When you start showing and you go for a scan will help. My husband said he didn't even think there was a baby until he saw the scan and started to see my tummy moving. All he knew was I was throwing up all day every day for three months!
It's hard for the dad as they are kind of on the side line. Try and include him in as much as possible. There ar some great websites for dads to be, give him a bit of time to get his head around the idea he's going to be a dad and then maybe show him the sites. When your further along why not go to a couple of antenatal classes together. Just for a few weeks though try not to bombard him with baby talk etc, I know it's hard as I'm sure you are over the moon and want to scream it from the roof tops. Give him time and I'm sure everything will be fine. Congratulations again and feel free to message me if you ever want a chat.
Good luck with everything : )
FishMama, firstly congratulations!!!! With your husband just give him some time and I'm sure he will come round. My husband wanted children but it didn't stopped him from being like a rabbit in head lights when he realized he was going to be a daddy. When you start showing and you go for a scan will help. My husband said he didn't even think there was a baby until he saw the scan and started to see my tummy moving. All he knew was I was throwing up all day every day for three months!
It's hard for the dad as they are kind of on the side line. Try and include him in as much as possible. There ar some great websites for dads to be, give him a bit of time to get his head around the idea he's going to be a dad and then maybe show him the sites. When your further along why not go to a couple of antenatal classes together. Just for a few weeks though try not to bombard him with baby talk etc, I know it's hard as I'm sure you are over the moon and want to scream it from the roof tops. Give him time and I'm sure everything will be fine. Congratulations again and feel free to message me if you ever want a chat.
Good luck with everything : )
carang
Registered User
wow. i can't imagine showing so little interest in the baby once it arrives. i can somewhat understand it when pregnant. there isn't really much for daddy to do... it is all about mumma at that point.
i can safely say that BECAUSE my hubby is such an awesome father, it has made me love him on a whole new level. i can't imagine how i would cope with such disinterest, and i think eventually the child will start to feel it, too.
i don't know what i would do if in elle's position. but i am sure, that i would eventually leave the marriage. but, that is just me and i know it's not the solution for everyone.
i can safely say that BECAUSE my hubby is such an awesome father, it has made me love him on a whole new level. i can't imagine how i would cope with such disinterest, and i think eventually the child will start to feel it, too.
i don't know what i would do if in elle's position. but i am sure, that i would eventually leave the marriage. but, that is just me and i know it's not the solution for everyone.
Elle thanks for your reply, I hope that things get better as your daughter grows older.
Carang/Tasha thank you for your words of encouragement. I know my husband will try and I hope that he does come round. I'm trying not to bombard him with baby stuff and he's being pretty about about it today. He seams a little less spooked today.
Thanks again. We're not telling anyone till at least the 12th week so good to have some place to talk about this.
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Carang/Tasha thank you for your words of encouragement. I know my husband will try and I hope that he does come round. I'm trying not to bombard him with baby stuff and he's being pretty about about it today. He seams a little less spooked today.
Thanks again. We're not telling anyone till at least the 12th week so good to have some place to talk about this.
Posted via Mobile Device
carang
Registered User
you may want to get him a special "i'm going to be a father" book or two... there are so many for mothers, maybe fathers feel a little left out?
http://www.amazon.com/15-Great-Books-Being-Father/lm/TPXS93TWU0P7
http://www.amazon.com/15-Great-Books-Being-Father/lm/TPXS93TWU0P7
2010-NewDad
Registered User
I think it is quite hard for the (especially first time) father to comprehend early on. As a woman, you can feel the changes in your body and you suddenly need to think about many things - what to eat, what not to eat, whether to take any supplements etc etc. You may start to feel sickness and other signs - my wife knew she was pregnant at 4 weeks, well before she did the urine test.
From a fathers point of view, the scans and feeling the first kick are the first chance to view or feel the miracle growing inside the mother's womb. Generally I think men are more tactical, more physical and this gives them a better chance to connect. He might also not be wanting to let all his emotions out so early on before the baby really has a chance to get going and carrying to term is not assured.
I wouldn't worry too much about the father just yet, humans are genetically programmed to love their children!
From a fathers point of view, the scans and feeling the first kick are the first chance to view or feel the miracle growing inside the mother's womb. Generally I think men are more tactical, more physical and this gives them a better chance to connect. He might also not be wanting to let all his emotions out so early on before the baby really has a chance to get going and carrying to term is not assured.
I wouldn't worry too much about the father just yet, humans are genetically programmed to love their children!
nicolejoy
Registered User
My hubby wasn't overly interested in either of my pregnancies - he was happy, but he never really cared that much to feel the baby kick etc. At first it really worried me - but after the girls were born, he has been a really involved and fantastic dad. I think that all guys handle it differently, but what you are going through is not abnormal!! I would be more worried if he was disinterested in the baby once he/she is born (but even then, it can take a guy a while to really adjust to being a dad...)
FishMama, I think that I may have been a little too negative with my first post, which I think is about the worst case scenario for a normal guy. Tasha and New Dad's experiences are what everyone told me would happen and with most of my friends with kids they have described what did happen. I must admit that I am jealous of all the doting fathers that I see out with their toddlers on weekends. But, fortunately he is coming around, albeit slowly. Agree with Carang that something does need to change (and it is slowly, which gives me hope) and for now some improvement is better than the alternative of me leaving with the child (which is and always has been an option, but I hope and pray that it won't come to that as I don't really see that making things better for her in the long run).
dressuphk
Registered User
I think this has to do with mentality... I am 7 weeks pregnant but I am completely not excited about my pregnancy
I mean this is an accident I am only 25... So mentally I feel really strange as everything will change now ( I was looking forward to have BB etc. before but when things happen I just finally felt the terror）So from my view, I can understand your hubby's feeling - he is probably shock or sth.. My hubby is very supportive and try to get me involve in my pregnancy(I know it sounds really weird) and now I am actually feeling more comfortable and more involved now. I think getting him to read some books about expecting father (I think sb. has mentioned already) and I think ask your hubby to go to the OB together with you helps a lot (my hubby got so completely excited when he heard the embryo's heart beat yesterday).
Indeed I wasn't excited about being pregnant, but when I saw the embryo yesterday in my belly and heart beating, my heart just melt... Well, I think your hubby will soon get on his role with the right mood.