how do you handle parents who love to brag?
- Thread starter reei
- Start date
carang
Registered User
i think it depends on your relationship with the person in question. i have a very good friend and we don't "compare" kids, rather we talk about where each child is at (our first two kids are 2 months apart and our second 2 are 8 days apart). we discuss how to handle certain behaviours and such.
it is impossible NOT to compare children sometimes. it doesn't mean, necessarily, that they are "putting down" your child....
if you look on this site, a lot of people are asking questions. we ALL answer according to our own experiences with our own children. in a way, that IS comparing. it doesn't make what mine does correct or right and what yours done is incorrect or that mine is brighter than yours it is merely stating the accomplishments of the child.
for example:
the friend mentioned above... her daughter HATES doing "homework" and anything to do with writing... whereas my son LOVES it! it is difficult for me to tear him away from it sometimes (REALLY!).... BUT my son is just begining to figure out the whole "reading" thing... while her daughter is already on "step 7" or something along those lines...
do you see what i'm trying to say? i don't know how to explain it clearly... i'm hoping you can piece it together from my feeble attempts...
it is impossible NOT to compare children sometimes. it doesn't mean, necessarily, that they are "putting down" your child....
if you look on this site, a lot of people are asking questions. we ALL answer according to our own experiences with our own children. in a way, that IS comparing. it doesn't make what mine does correct or right and what yours done is incorrect or that mine is brighter than yours it is merely stating the accomplishments of the child.
for example:
the friend mentioned above... her daughter HATES doing "homework" and anything to do with writing... whereas my son LOVES it! it is difficult for me to tear him away from it sometimes (REALLY!).... BUT my son is just begining to figure out the whole "reading" thing... while her daughter is already on "step 7" or something along those lines...
do you see what i'm trying to say? i don't know how to explain it clearly... i'm hoping you can piece it together from my feeble attempts...
nicolejoy
Registered User
I think for the most part, I try to ignore it. I know that as parents, our kids are the most important little people in the world, and we all "secretly" think they're the best, cutest, etc... I do think that especially when they are younger, it's hard NOT to compare... even things like "When did X get his teeth? My baby has 5 already." Or "My child just started walking. Has your child started walking yet?"
I think that my advice is,
a) ignore it, like I said before
b) try to understand that they are just proud parents and probably don't know that they're coming across as bragging
And I agree with Carang too, that's kind of what I'm trying to say as well...
I know that sometimes I have to really think about what I'm saying and how I'm saying it - and I try to think about other people's feelings too... and if they say something like "Oh your baby is so good at X", I try to always respond with "Yes, but she's not so good at Y, and your baby is great at Y" - because ALL babies are just as special as each other. No matter when they walk/talk/sleep through the night etc... and most of the differences aren't because one bub is "better" or "smarter" or "more well behaved" - it's just their little personalities that makes them do things differently.
I think that my advice is,
a) ignore it, like I said before
b) try to understand that they are just proud parents and probably don't know that they're coming across as bragging
And I agree with Carang too, that's kind of what I'm trying to say as well...
I know that sometimes I have to really think about what I'm saying and how I'm saying it - and I try to think about other people's feelings too... and if they say something like "Oh your baby is so good at X", I try to always respond with "Yes, but she's not so good at Y, and your baby is great at Y" - because ALL babies are just as special as each other. No matter when they walk/talk/sleep through the night etc... and most of the differences aren't because one bub is "better" or "smarter" or "more well behaved" - it's just their little personalities that makes them do things differently.
Know a mom who is very competitive, and always sings praises regarding her daughter: ie: She can add to XX number how about your son, my daughter handwriting is very beautiful how about your. . . , my daughter is in the speech competition what about your. . . . well you get the idea. She loves to compete and incessantly compares her daughter to my son.
Every time she does that I just smile and say "really, how great for you!! but my son isn't into that" or "wow, your daughter is really smart, my son doesn't care for it" etc. and you know what I think it's kind of effective in shutting her up. . .coz it's no fun to "compete" with someone who doesn't give a flip about your game!!
Now both our kids are in primary school and this may sound mean and vindictive, but I'm gonna say it anyway, when it was time for them to choose a primary school, she interviewed her daughter to tons of schools, almost every weekend she would say "my XXX is interviewing with DBS, St. Paul, Marymount, etc., etc., etc.) and guess what none of the "great schools" or not so great school accepted her daughter anyway. So what did all that bragging amount to?? In my opinion. . . egg in the face!!:rofl: She has to "settle" to the same school as my son!
SO morale of the story. . . don't let these types of moms drag you down. . .let their mouth shoot off, and in the end they will shoot themselves in the foot.
Every time she does that I just smile and say "really, how great for you!! but my son isn't into that" or "wow, your daughter is really smart, my son doesn't care for it" etc. and you know what I think it's kind of effective in shutting her up. . .coz it's no fun to "compete" with someone who doesn't give a flip about your game!!
Now both our kids are in primary school and this may sound mean and vindictive, but I'm gonna say it anyway, when it was time for them to choose a primary school, she interviewed her daughter to tons of schools, almost every weekend she would say "my XXX is interviewing with DBS, St. Paul, Marymount, etc., etc., etc.) and guess what none of the "great schools" or not so great school accepted her daughter anyway. So what did all that bragging amount to?? In my opinion. . . egg in the face!!:rofl: She has to "settle" to the same school as my son!
SO morale of the story. . . don't let these types of moms drag you down. . .let their mouth shoot off, and in the end they will shoot themselves in the foot.
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Ignore it and feel sorry for the kids who will be raised with the expectation that they must excel at everything. Imagine the pressure they will feel as they grow up. And really, parental bragging is really the parent saying 'look at me, look at how good I am, I raised such a wonderful/smart/ good looking etc child.' We all do it at some point but some people do it a lot more than others!
carang
Registered User
there's also a difference between having a discussion about children's development and how your child "measures" up...
for example: my daughter spoke much more and much earlier than my son... i have been amazed at her vocabulary at such a young age. by the age of 2 she know hundreds of words and could speak in full sentences.
that is not bragging. it is a fact. however, if i said:
my daughter is amazing... she knows so many words and can tell me exactly what she wants. i never have to guess. it is wonderful... i see your child isn't the same way... too bad!
the feelings that you generate hearing that may be very different compared to the first one.
for example: my daughter spoke much more and much earlier than my son... i have been amazed at her vocabulary at such a young age. by the age of 2 she know hundreds of words and could speak in full sentences.
that is not bragging. it is a fact. however, if i said:
my daughter is amazing... she knows so many words and can tell me exactly what she wants. i never have to guess. it is wonderful... i see your child isn't the same way... too bad!
the feelings that you generate hearing that may be very different compared to the first one.
To play devil's advocate, I would say, Yes and No. I mean, why do you need to tell people about your girl's vocab in the first place ? I'm sure if she's that smart people will notice it. Pointing it out merely ends up making other people feel like you are putting their child down.
I think it's ok to say something like, my daughter talked early, or has great vocab but to go so far as to say 'my daughter knows hundreds of words and could speak in full sentences at 2' to me just comes across as bragging.