Mental problem / child abuse

[Gracey]

No problem, Cara. I'm sorry about your past. I imagine it's not easy for those who have been through it.
A happy, healthy new year to you and your family!

 

[charade]

I think before reporting it as child abuse, I'd get some advice about whether this actually constitutes child abuse from professionals and what can be done (and the approach would differ depending on whether you and your kids live with your husband or not - it's not clear from your post). You said this behaviour started only lately - it could be a result of stress at work and maybe counselling would help. And as Gracey said, there are some people who are just not prepared for the sheer noise children make and the energy required to care for them...and some cultures condone that kind of behaviour. So they need to be made aware that their behaviour is wrong and unproductive but may not be as drastic as classifying it as mental problems (again, I think only professionals can diagnose mental problems).

Apart from the links Thanka2 mentioned, you could try this NGO called Against Child Abuse (http://www.aca.org.hk/) to get some guidance on how to approach your situation.

 

[thanka2]

I think before reporting it as child abuse, I'd get some advice about whether this actually constitutes child abuse from professionals and what can be done (and the approach would differ depending on whether you and your kids live with your husband or not - it's not clear from your post). You said this behaviour started only lately - it could be a result of stress at work and maybe counselling would help. And as Gracey said, there are some people who are just not prepared for the sheer noise children make and the energy required to care for them...and some cultures condone that kind of behaviour. So they need to be made aware that their behaviour is wrong and unproductive but may not be as drastic as classifying it as mental problems (again, I think only professionals can diagnose mental problems).

Apart from the links Thanka2 mentioned, you could try this NGO called Against Child Abuse (http://www.aca.org.hk/) to get some guidance on how to approach your situation.

I think that it needs to be added that no one is saying that this isn't a big deal. If you have a gut feeling that something is not right, it's best to remove yourself and your children from the situation at least until you can find some help. If you feel unsafe and feel it is unsafe for your children, you have every right as a mother to make it a safe situation. Not every person is open to counseling but your priority is to keep yourself and your children away from harm--physical, emotional and mental. Please do seek professional help and advice. Hoping for the best for you and your children.

 

[elle]

Hi , I'm a mother of 2 child( 3 and 1 year old) recently( past few months) I noticed their father is behaving too rough to them especially on my elder child. He will shout and bang on anything just to make them stop crying.
She start to cry most of the nights in the middle of sleep of which I think she was dreaming.

Is there any reason why you cannot or have not voiced your concerns to him and asked him to alter his behavior? My husband has done some things that I'm not fond of around our child and I have been very upfront with him about it and asked him to stop - although in my case I am certain there is no physical danger or 'mental problem' involved - just a frustrated guy who doesn't know how to cope with a situation. With the limited information you have provided it is difficult to say whether or not there is abuse or a mental problem (lots of fathers shout at kids, athough I am NOT saying it is right, okay or good, it is not an uncommon issue) athough in any event it doesn't sound like good parenting and something should be changed.

Others have noted some very good resources with following up with and also if you feel as though there is an immediate danger would just remove yourself and the children from the situation.

 

[Papaya]

You can also get help from Soultalk http://soultalk.org/soultalk/main/content.asp?lang=E&id=122
This charity can be really helpful if you need to get away with the kids as they have a place where you can stay for free. They also offer online or phone support.

Wish you much strengh in dealing with this and doing what you need to do to keep yourself and your children safe.

 

[sparkeye]

Thank you all for the details comments and links. In fact I've been browsing for the same.
We are still together under same roof and just that his family and relative is having such history and he has been really rough to my child and that is why I started to worry.

All of the above comments reminds me of myself too.
In fact both of us r not good parent with good parenting skill. skills.

 

[sparkeye]

Both us will use cane when she does not listen to us especially we will use the same way to make her stop crying. I'm referring to my 3 years old girl. This could the same reason why she cry every night while she was sleeping In The middle of the night.

Please advise how to handle this

 

[howardcoombs]

Both us will use cane when she does not listen to us....Please advise how to handle this

1) Stop caning the child
2) Since mental health issues seem to be prevalent in your family, contact social services for best advice and direction:
http://www.hkspc.org
3) If you have difficulty with 1&2 please send me a PM with your name and address - I'd be happy to get the right government departments involved to help you thru this difficult situation.

 

[Newbie_hk]

I agree with Howard. Stop the caning NOW.It is a form of physical punishment (hitting) that has detrimental effects. There are more effective ways to make your child stop crying than hitting.

Here is a link that shows why kids have tantrums & more importantly,
"stop the crying" techniques.

http://www.becomingtheparent.com/subsections1/question18.html

Please seek immediate help from the links indicated by other posters above. T

 

[lesliefu]

For one I would stop using the cane...then I would give more positive experiences for your child so she can slowly erase the bad experiences from her mind and start to sleep better. Perhaps you might co-sleep with her so that she feels safe and sleep better at night time.

I have a 3GS old too...and yes, there are times when things get hard..especially when she starts crying non stop...my girl did that numerous times today! Annoying! What I did was just take her to quiet spot to let her calm down...she would cry for 2-3mins and then when she is starting to calm down, I talk to her calmly and ask her what she wants...if she cannot express, them I ask her specific questions such as "do you want to eat bread?" etc so she can respond. Sometimes when kids cannot express what they want they will become desperate and act badly because you don't understand them.

You need to be patient and listen to your child. Even if they Are bad you need to try to understand why they bad...hitting will make them hurt and that will lead to more crying, a vicious circle...nit what you want. Step back if you are about to hit and then on,y return when you are calm down. I am sure if you ask, people here will give you many ideas of what they do when their kids are bad...some of which you might find useful.