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How to teach kids about... ?
- Thread starter Vrindavan
- Start date
sunniefaith
Registered User
How to teach kids about... ?
1. honesty, be trusty, no lie
2. do not steal
My 7 year-old boy had been stealing things outside and my money at home
Thanks for tips or resources suggest
:woman
Do you ask him why he did it? Does he have a reason? Normally kids that steal, have a reason. Find out and reason with him. Shouting, yelling and screaming may not work....find out why first.
Very hard.
One of my kids had a problem w/ not telling the truth last year. We spoke to the child about it sternly & also restricted activities (no playing outside w/ friends and no TV or videos) for 2 weeks.
We also worked hard to make sure the child understands the difference between truth and falsehood - between what one wishes, or what "makes a better story" and what really happens.
I found the book "The Berenstain Bears and the Truth" was also a useful book:
http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=37453
I haven't read this one, but it might also help
"The Berenstain Bears and the Double Dare"
http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=79654
The Berenstain Bears and the Missing Watermelon Money
http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=86732
One of my kids had a problem w/ not telling the truth last year. We spoke to the child about it sternly & also restricted activities (no playing outside w/ friends and no TV or videos) for 2 weeks.
We also worked hard to make sure the child understands the difference between truth and falsehood - between what one wishes, or what "makes a better story" and what really happens.
I found the book "The Berenstain Bears and the Truth" was also a useful book:
http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=37453
I haven't read this one, but it might also help
"The Berenstain Bears and the Double Dare"
http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=79654
The Berenstain Bears and the Missing Watermelon Money
http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=86732
This is another tough one. I feel that we should remind ourselves from the start that it is part of human nature to tell lies. There have been many studies to show how often adults lie during the day. I don't mean horrendous lies, but the ones that allow us to get on with society e.g. has anyone ever said to you do you like my new ... (insert anything in here from piece of clothing to new haircut) and you've replied 'I think it's great', when really what you're thinking is exactly the opposite. The difficulty comes when trying to teach children about not lying because in some ways us adults are being a little hypocritical.
Having said that, it seems that you are connecting this honesty with your child taking something that doesn't belong to them. Some children will take things, just because they can and see no wrong in doing this and here as adults we need to point out that this is stealing and wrong. Once the child has understood the concept of stealing and they continue to do so then you are into the realms of asking them to be honest.
This may help and certainly worked for me as a strategy when I was teaching: at the beginning of each year, with a new class, I would always make the same promise and that was if you tell me the truth about something you have done I will promise not to shout, however, if I find out that you have lied to me then be prepared for me to get very cross. I found that this worked wonders and I would always be able to gain a confession, by staying calm, reaffirming my promise and allowing the child the chance to say what they had done. The child would then receive an appropriate 'punishment' but removing the shouting and the scene from the situation meant that my classes were usually honest with me.
I have tried this strategy with my own kids and it also works. I'm not saying that my kids or those who I have taught were honest 100 per cent of the time, (as human beings we are not) but certainly when compared with teachers who yelled at their classes, my kids were much more willing to own up to what they had done and dealt with the consequences in a more productive manner.
I hope that helps.
Having said that, it seems that you are connecting this honesty with your child taking something that doesn't belong to them. Some children will take things, just because they can and see no wrong in doing this and here as adults we need to point out that this is stealing and wrong. Once the child has understood the concept of stealing and they continue to do so then you are into the realms of asking them to be honest.
This may help and certainly worked for me as a strategy when I was teaching: at the beginning of each year, with a new class, I would always make the same promise and that was if you tell me the truth about something you have done I will promise not to shout, however, if I find out that you have lied to me then be prepared for me to get very cross. I found that this worked wonders and I would always be able to gain a confession, by staying calm, reaffirming my promise and allowing the child the chance to say what they had done. The child would then receive an appropriate 'punishment' but removing the shouting and the scene from the situation meant that my classes were usually honest with me.
I have tried this strategy with my own kids and it also works. I'm not saying that my kids or those who I have taught were honest 100 per cent of the time, (as human beings we are not) but certainly when compared with teachers who yelled at their classes, my kids were much more willing to own up to what they had done and dealt with the consequences in a more productive manner.
I hope that helps.
church children programs
I have a recommendation for you.
We have been attending church at Evangelical Community Church located in Wanchai and they have another branch in Tsim Sha Tsui. The kids programs start as early as 3 years old and they are learning great moral teaching, including to be honest, be giving, not to steal, love others, etc.
And best thing is that these classes are FREE every sunday. They have services at 930 and 1115. We go to the 930 sunday school and the kids are learning a lot and love it. There is also a vacation bible school, a 5 or so week program which will start soon for kids who may be new to the church. I am aware that they have a website at www.ecchk.org which has been updated with latest events whenever we've been there.
We find that these classes are way more important for kids than any other class they can get in any learning center or school.
- JC
I have a recommendation for you.
We have been attending church at Evangelical Community Church located in Wanchai and they have another branch in Tsim Sha Tsui. The kids programs start as early as 3 years old and they are learning great moral teaching, including to be honest, be giving, not to steal, love others, etc.
And best thing is that these classes are FREE every sunday. They have services at 930 and 1115. We go to the 930 sunday school and the kids are learning a lot and love it. There is also a vacation bible school, a 5 or so week program which will start soon for kids who may be new to the church. I am aware that they have a website at www.ecchk.org which has been updated with latest events whenever we've been there.
We find that these classes are way more important for kids than any other class they can get in any learning center or school.
- JC
I understand there is a fantastic course at YWCA called PET every Monday. Lots of good solid practical parenting tips.
Also a great book called How to Talk to your children so they listen.
Rgds
e
Also a great book called How to Talk to your children so they listen.
Rgds
e
How Can I Raise a Moral Child?
What is morality?
How can we raise our children to be empathic, caring, and moral
people?
Moral behavior means different things to different people. For our
purposes, morality means treating ourselves and others with respect.
Empathy, compassion, and a sense of justice are central components of this kind of moral behavior.
Morality is learned
Babies are born neither intrinsically good nor intrinsically bad.
Children learn behaviors and values from their environment -- mainly
from their parents, but also from siblings, other relatives, peers,
teachers, and increasingly, the media. Children learn from watching
how other people behave, from having conversations with adults about behavior, and from their own experience.
The moral behavior of young children may first be motivated by
wanting to please beloved adults, or by concerns and fears about
punishment. As children grow and develop, they begin to internalize
external moral values as their own. However, children all grow and
develop at different rates, and the ages assigned to the following
stages of moral development are approximate.
Moral Milestones by Age
0-2: Infants and toddlers are essentially pre-moral. They can't see
beyond their own needs. It's unreasonable to expect a child under two to voluntarily share a toy, or for an infant to understand that
you've had a hard day.
However you can facilitate your baby's sense of compassion and
empathy by treating her with kindness, by helping her identify
emotions, and (for toddlers) by setting limits on acts of physical
aggression.
3-5: Preschoolers are learning to be social creatures. With the help
of caring adults, your preschooler is capable of learning to share,
to refrain from hitting even when angry, and to have a developing
sense of right and wrong about how people should be treated.
It's very hard for kids this age to see someone else's point of view.
Their ability to control themselves -- to not become overwhelmed by
emotion or desire -- is tenuous. Your preschooler needs lots of love,
positive reinforcement and consistent limit-setting around behaviors.
6-10: Grade-schoolers have a strong sense of justice. Each year, they gain more self control. During this period, your child develops a
greater sense of empathy and compassion.
By age eight, he should be able to really understand what it feels
like to be hurt. However, his need to belong and the influence of his
peers may cause him to do things he actually knows are wrong.
Grade-schoolers need help taking responsibility for their actions and
learning that actions have consequences. Children change a lot during this time: A six-year-old might not understand the finality of death, but a ten-year-old should have a good sense of what it means.
11-15: As hormones kick in, children tend to be strongly influenced
by emotions. Even more than their younger siblings, young adolescents need to belong. The influence of their peers can have an overwhelming influence on their behavior.
This is a time for kids to start experimenting with different
behaviors and rebellion against parental authority. Although your
child might chafe against it, she needs consistent, compassionate
limit-setting and strong parental guidance more than ever.
Adolescents become capable of thinking about more complex moral
issues, such as the death penalty and the extremes of wealth and
poverty.
16-18: Older teenagers are more sophisticated than younger ones, but they're still not adults. By now, they should have a clear sense of right and wrong, and a sense of responsibility for their actions.
However, they still are susceptible to peer pressure, a false sense
of being invulnerable, and a need to rebel against authority, which
may lead to minor infractions against the law. Your teenager still
needs parental guidance, and -- more than ever -- he needs to
experience the consequences of his actions.
Practical Suggestions for Parents
Monitor your own behavior and values. Do you treat other people with respect? Are empathy, compassion, and justice important to you?
Take an honest look at how you solve conflicts, both at home and at
work. Are you open-minded? A good listener? Do you search for fair
solutions to conflicts, or is winning and being right the most
important thing? Do you yell, use violence or aggression, or coerce
people with intimidation or guilt?
If you resort to using violence or humiliation as a way of keeping
order in your own family, your children may begin to use those same
techniques in their peer relationships.
From infancy, talk with your children about feelings. Give them words
to identify emotions: "I know you're angry that you can't watch
television right now." "It's sad that Michael can't come to your
birthday party." Help your children understand that feelings are
different than actions. It's okay for them to feel whatever they're
feeling; what matters is how they act.
Boys, especially, need to learn that having feelings is normal and
even positive. All children need help learning to express anger
without physically or psychologically wounding other people: "It's
okay to be angry at Sean for knocking down your blocks, but you can't hit him. Can you tell him that you're angry?"
Show compassion for your child's feelings, even when they differ from your own. Let your child know from an early age that you respect her feelings: "I know you're angry that I won't let you sleep over at Ellen's, but I think you need to be home tonight." "I know you're angry that I won't let you go to Emma's party, but her parents aren't going to be there and I don't think it will be safe."
Talk with your child about how his behavior affects other people: "I
think Alyssa was sad when you wouldn't give her a turn to
play." "Josh was so happy when you shared your candy with him."
Encourage your child to remember how he felt in a similar situation,
or to think about how he would feel under similar circumstances. "Sam's feelings are hurt when you call him names.
Remember how you felt when he called you names?" "How would you feel if everyone teased you about how you look?"
From an early age, your child needs help finding alternatives to
violence for resolving conflict: "It's okay to be angry at Eric, but
you can't hit him. Let's find some other ways to settle this
argument."
Help her see that getting angry is okay and doesn't have to be
catastrophic. "No wonder you're angry. Ellen treated you really
badly. But you've been friends for such a long time. Can you tell her
how you feel?"
Parents aren't the only influence
As a parent you have an enormous influence on your child's values and behavior, but we mustn't underestimate the influence of peers and the media as well.
Excessive exposure to violence or disrespectful behavior can affect
the way children resolve conflicts or treat others. The media can
affect children's behavior directly, but it also influences kids
indirectly through their peers' exposure to it.
Having an ongoing conversation
When your children are very young, get in the habit of talking with
them about justice and other moral issues. Talk with them about
violence and your feelings about it. By keeping the lines of
communication open as they grow, you're providing your children with an invaluable opportunity to explore their own ideas about morality and to reinforce the values that are important to you and your family.
Life is full of moral decisions and quandaries. There are
opportunities to talk about your family ethics and morality with your
children everywhere. Use news stories, movies, TV shows, books, and daily life events as a platform for talking about moral issues.
Encourage your children, even at an early age, to express their own
opinions, to think about what they might do and say in various
situations, and to try to put themselves in the shoes of victims of
injustice.
Recommended Reading:
Bringing Up a Moral Child
By Michael Schulman and Eva Mekler
Moral Child: Nurturing Children's Natural Moral Growth
By William Damon
from E.nopiria
What is morality?
How can we raise our children to be empathic, caring, and moral
people?
Moral behavior means different things to different people. For our
purposes, morality means treating ourselves and others with respect.
Empathy, compassion, and a sense of justice are central components of this kind of moral behavior.
Morality is learned
Babies are born neither intrinsically good nor intrinsically bad.
Children learn behaviors and values from their environment -- mainly
from their parents, but also from siblings, other relatives, peers,
teachers, and increasingly, the media. Children learn from watching
how other people behave, from having conversations with adults about behavior, and from their own experience.
The moral behavior of young children may first be motivated by
wanting to please beloved adults, or by concerns and fears about
punishment. As children grow and develop, they begin to internalize
external moral values as their own. However, children all grow and
develop at different rates, and the ages assigned to the following
stages of moral development are approximate.
Moral Milestones by Age
0-2: Infants and toddlers are essentially pre-moral. They can't see
beyond their own needs. It's unreasonable to expect a child under two to voluntarily share a toy, or for an infant to understand that
you've had a hard day.
However you can facilitate your baby's sense of compassion and
empathy by treating her with kindness, by helping her identify
emotions, and (for toddlers) by setting limits on acts of physical
aggression.
3-5: Preschoolers are learning to be social creatures. With the help
of caring adults, your preschooler is capable of learning to share,
to refrain from hitting even when angry, and to have a developing
sense of right and wrong about how people should be treated.
It's very hard for kids this age to see someone else's point of view.
Their ability to control themselves -- to not become overwhelmed by
emotion or desire -- is tenuous. Your preschooler needs lots of love,
positive reinforcement and consistent limit-setting around behaviors.
6-10: Grade-schoolers have a strong sense of justice. Each year, they gain more self control. During this period, your child develops a
greater sense of empathy and compassion.
By age eight, he should be able to really understand what it feels
like to be hurt. However, his need to belong and the influence of his
peers may cause him to do things he actually knows are wrong.
Grade-schoolers need help taking responsibility for their actions and
learning that actions have consequences. Children change a lot during this time: A six-year-old might not understand the finality of death, but a ten-year-old should have a good sense of what it means.
11-15: As hormones kick in, children tend to be strongly influenced
by emotions. Even more than their younger siblings, young adolescents need to belong. The influence of their peers can have an overwhelming influence on their behavior.
This is a time for kids to start experimenting with different
behaviors and rebellion against parental authority. Although your
child might chafe against it, she needs consistent, compassionate
limit-setting and strong parental guidance more than ever.
Adolescents become capable of thinking about more complex moral
issues, such as the death penalty and the extremes of wealth and
poverty.
16-18: Older teenagers are more sophisticated than younger ones, but they're still not adults. By now, they should have a clear sense of right and wrong, and a sense of responsibility for their actions.
However, they still are susceptible to peer pressure, a false sense
of being invulnerable, and a need to rebel against authority, which
may lead to minor infractions against the law. Your teenager still
needs parental guidance, and -- more than ever -- he needs to
experience the consequences of his actions.
Practical Suggestions for Parents
Monitor your own behavior and values. Do you treat other people with respect? Are empathy, compassion, and justice important to you?
Take an honest look at how you solve conflicts, both at home and at
work. Are you open-minded? A good listener? Do you search for fair
solutions to conflicts, or is winning and being right the most
important thing? Do you yell, use violence or aggression, or coerce
people with intimidation or guilt?
If you resort to using violence or humiliation as a way of keeping
order in your own family, your children may begin to use those same
techniques in their peer relationships.
From infancy, talk with your children about feelings. Give them words
to identify emotions: "I know you're angry that you can't watch
television right now." "It's sad that Michael can't come to your
birthday party." Help your children understand that feelings are
different than actions. It's okay for them to feel whatever they're
feeling; what matters is how they act.
Boys, especially, need to learn that having feelings is normal and
even positive. All children need help learning to express anger
without physically or psychologically wounding other people: "It's
okay to be angry at Sean for knocking down your blocks, but you can't hit him. Can you tell him that you're angry?"
Show compassion for your child's feelings, even when they differ from your own. Let your child know from an early age that you respect her feelings: "I know you're angry that I won't let you sleep over at Ellen's, but I think you need to be home tonight." "I know you're angry that I won't let you go to Emma's party, but her parents aren't going to be there and I don't think it will be safe."
Talk with your child about how his behavior affects other people: "I
think Alyssa was sad when you wouldn't give her a turn to
play." "Josh was so happy when you shared your candy with him."
Encourage your child to remember how he felt in a similar situation,
or to think about how he would feel under similar circumstances. "Sam's feelings are hurt when you call him names.
Remember how you felt when he called you names?" "How would you feel if everyone teased you about how you look?"
From an early age, your child needs help finding alternatives to
violence for resolving conflict: "It's okay to be angry at Eric, but
you can't hit him. Let's find some other ways to settle this
argument."
Help her see that getting angry is okay and doesn't have to be
catastrophic. "No wonder you're angry. Ellen treated you really
badly. But you've been friends for such a long time. Can you tell her
how you feel?"
Parents aren't the only influence
As a parent you have an enormous influence on your child's values and behavior, but we mustn't underestimate the influence of peers and the media as well.
Excessive exposure to violence or disrespectful behavior can affect
the way children resolve conflicts or treat others. The media can
affect children's behavior directly, but it also influences kids
indirectly through their peers' exposure to it.
Having an ongoing conversation
When your children are very young, get in the habit of talking with
them about justice and other moral issues. Talk with them about
violence and your feelings about it. By keeping the lines of
communication open as they grow, you're providing your children with an invaluable opportunity to explore their own ideas about morality and to reinforce the values that are important to you and your family.
Life is full of moral decisions and quandaries. There are
opportunities to talk about your family ethics and morality with your
children everywhere. Use news stories, movies, TV shows, books, and daily life events as a platform for talking about moral issues.
Encourage your children, even at an early age, to express their own
opinions, to think about what they might do and say in various
situations, and to try to put themselves in the shoes of victims of
injustice.
Recommended Reading:
Bringing Up a Moral Child
By Michael Schulman and Eva Mekler
Moral Child: Nurturing Children's Natural Moral Growth
By William Damon
from E.nopiria
About this archive
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