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helper hours?
- Thread starter jamesandsimo
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As a SAHM with a helper, I agree with Carang. I think helpers expand the work to fit the time, not out of laziness or anything, just to protect their jobs.
I do everything that's child related (we have 2, one more due); so school runs, swim/ballet/tennis/soccer/playgroups, bedtime, meals etc. She babysits when the children are asleep and I go out with my husband (not a frequent occurrence as he travels A LOT).
She does most of the housework as I hate it. We have a relatively large house, but I do not expect everything to be done every day. I still do a clean once a week or so, as my idea of clean and hers are very different (I also want the children to realise that it is normal to sort out your own house). It never takes me more than a few hours, doing a much more thorough job than her and looking after the children at the same time. That said, she does a great job of the ironing and that is top of my list of jobs that I hate. She also does some of those annoying little chores that are quite a pain with children in tow - like going to the post office.
I definitely will not be renewing her contract, as there is not enough work to fill a day and the downside from my point of view is having to live with someone in your house. Although I must say, it is handy knowing that there is someone here to take care of the children if I go into labour in the middle of the night, which was a logistical worry in London with no family nearby. As that is never going to happen again, a part-time cleaner should be sufficient once my existing DH's contract expires.
I have made it clear to her that she does not have to hang around when her work is done, but she says that if she goes out she'll spend too much money and that none of her friends are free other than on Sundays anyway.
I do everything that's child related (we have 2, one more due); so school runs, swim/ballet/tennis/soccer/playgroups, bedtime, meals etc. She babysits when the children are asleep and I go out with my husband (not a frequent occurrence as he travels A LOT).
She does most of the housework as I hate it. We have a relatively large house, but I do not expect everything to be done every day. I still do a clean once a week or so, as my idea of clean and hers are very different (I also want the children to realise that it is normal to sort out your own house). It never takes me more than a few hours, doing a much more thorough job than her and looking after the children at the same time. That said, she does a great job of the ironing and that is top of my list of jobs that I hate. She also does some of those annoying little chores that are quite a pain with children in tow - like going to the post office.
I definitely will not be renewing her contract, as there is not enough work to fill a day and the downside from my point of view is having to live with someone in your house. Although I must say, it is handy knowing that there is someone here to take care of the children if I go into labour in the middle of the night, which was a logistical worry in London with no family nearby. As that is never going to happen again, a part-time cleaner should be sufficient once my existing DH's contract expires.
I have made it clear to her that she does not have to hang around when her work is done, but she says that if she goes out she'll spend too much money and that none of her friends are free other than on Sundays anyway.
We initially didn't hire a full time helper when our son was born- we figured with me at home all day we wouldn't need one.....but we were wrong!!!!! I hate housework, and not only do I HATE it I just don't know how to do it (spent the best part of my childhood in HK so have always lived with a helper) and so it just doesn't get done! I hate cooking as well, and also horrendous at it and don't have the patience to learn....so we desperately need a helper and she starts on Sunday, finally and there shall be a lot of rejoicing in our house when she finally starts!
There will be plenty for her to do- cleaning, cooking, helping to look after our dogs etc. while I will do everything for our son.
It also means my husband and I will be able to go once in awhile for dinner, meet friends etc.
And it will mean I can take on some part time work if I feel that's something I want to do in the near future.
There will be plenty for her to do- cleaning, cooking, helping to look after our dogs etc. while I will do everything for our son.
It also means my husband and I will be able to go once in awhile for dinner, meet friends etc.
And it will mean I can take on some part time work if I feel that's something I want to do in the near future.
sophwillsmum
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I am also a SAHM with two children and a helper. Although not strictly necessary, I feel very fortunate to be in a position where I have someone else to do the things I hate such as the cooking and cleaning. In turn, having someone else to do the day to day work allows me to be an awesome mum.I get to just hang out with my kids and enjoy them while they are young. As I am a bit of a perfectionist around the home, I used to find that back in Australia(with no help) that my days were spent with me constantly cleaning, washing and tidying and my kids watching way too much TV. Now we can get up in the morning and just go and my kids are just thriving because of that. For once they have my time and undivided attention. Hubby is happy too as he comes home to a smiling relaxed wife as opposed to a frazzled cranky one in OZ.
Our helper has also allowed us to have more freedom as a couple again too. We try to have a 'date' night atleast once a week where I meet him in town after work and go for a nice dinner. It has DEFINITELY been good for our marriage!
So there you have it, maybe I'm lazy being a SAHM with help, but I genuinely like my helper and treat her with a lot of respect and kindness which is definitely returned to us in kind.
Our helper has also allowed us to have more freedom as a couple again too. We try to have a 'date' night atleast once a week where I meet him in town after work and go for a nice dinner. It has DEFINITELY been good for our marriage!
So there you have it, maybe I'm lazy being a SAHM with help, but I genuinely like my helper and treat her with a lot of respect and kindness which is definitely returned to us in kind.
I'm a sort of SAHM who happens to run a business back in Australia from home. Even if i didn't have the business to run I would have a helper. I think that if you can afford it and it doesn't bug you too much to have someone around the house then you'd be mad not too. I'd rather spend quality time with my kids than be in the kitchen cooking or cleaning bathrooms. I also think that being a SAHM is actually one of the toughest jobs. Having a helper means you can get a bit of time off for yourself. Just because you are a mum doesn't mean you have to be a martyr and give up on private time for yourself to kick back and relax and do things for yourself. How do you do this without help around the house? If help were really expensive it would be one thing but we are priviliged to be living in a place where it is more than reasonable. I say enjoy it!
I would imagine that the reason why DH takles so long to do everything (or at least, according to some people on this website) - is because if they are not sen to be working all the time, they will be acued of being lazy.
My DH tells me that her other jobs required her to clean the bathrooms every day - which she likes to do with us. She says it's easier for her to ipe down.clean every day than let it get a mess. I see her point, and it's nice to be so clean, but I wouldn't mind if she did it 1-2 times per week.
joannek - any family that has grown up in UK, USA, Australia, Canada, Europe, is used to having a baby in the back (on their own) - it's just part of having a baby: you can deal with it all yourself - you just have to decide to do it!
I am still amazed. Perhaps we should start keeping our husband's home after 8/9pm on Sunday, just in case they are exposed to 'bad influences'.........
You're employing a person, not a robot, and yes - people make mistakes. Again, it seesm to me that there are many women who expect a higher standard of cleanliness in their homes than what is 'necessary', and certainly far more than what they would ever, ever be prepared to do themselves.
We just have to keep in mind that the most important job a DH has is to look after the kids. My husband and I always say that we want out DH to be happy, rested and relaxed - because then she will do the best work with our child. If the fridge doesn;t get cleaned this week, well - I'd rather have a happy helper and child than a perfect fridge/floor/flat.
It bugs me when I see women who expect their DH to work harder than they do themselves, and somehow see looking after a toddler all day as 'easy'. SO wrong.
I work more-or-less full time in HK, but with wierd and ever changing hours. We're on oloday at the moment, and it is always a great reality check to remember just what has to happen to keep the family running: laundry, washing, cooking, cleaning, bathing, playing, shopping, cajoling, disciplining, travelling, not to mention sorting, preparing, planning. It's more work than a lot of you/us seem to realise. Especially wen you've grown up in a situation where you've never had to do any of this for yourself. (and I think this is true of a lot of people who have grown up in middle class families in HK).
My DH tells me that her other jobs required her to clean the bathrooms every day - which she likes to do with us. She says it's easier for her to ipe down.clean every day than let it get a mess. I see her point, and it's nice to be so clean, but I wouldn't mind if she did it 1-2 times per week.
joannek - any family that has grown up in UK, USA, Australia, Canada, Europe, is used to having a baby in the back (on their own) - it's just part of having a baby: you can deal with it all yourself - you just have to decide to do it!
I am still amazed. Perhaps we should start keeping our husband's home after 8/9pm on Sunday, just in case they are exposed to 'bad influences'.........
You're employing a person, not a robot, and yes - people make mistakes. Again, it seesm to me that there are many women who expect a higher standard of cleanliness in their homes than what is 'necessary', and certainly far more than what they would ever, ever be prepared to do themselves.
We just have to keep in mind that the most important job a DH has is to look after the kids. My husband and I always say that we want out DH to be happy, rested and relaxed - because then she will do the best work with our child. If the fridge doesn;t get cleaned this week, well - I'd rather have a happy helper and child than a perfect fridge/floor/flat.
It bugs me when I see women who expect their DH to work harder than they do themselves, and somehow see looking after a toddler all day as 'easy'. SO wrong.
I work more-or-less full time in HK, but with wierd and ever changing hours. We're on oloday at the moment, and it is always a great reality check to remember just what has to happen to keep the family running: laundry, washing, cooking, cleaning, bathing, playing, shopping, cajoling, disciplining, travelling, not to mention sorting, preparing, planning. It's more work than a lot of you/us seem to realise. Especially wen you've grown up in a situation where you've never had to do any of this for yourself. (and I think this is true of a lot of people who have grown up in middle class families in HK).
HappyV - I wrote "i used to feel sooooooo weird with this person tagging along my back carrying groceries.". this person meaning "my DH". if you had read a post correctly without thinking of how to criticise others first, you would have understood "this person" as my DH cos there's no way a baby can be "carrying groceries". excuse me for my lack of proper English if my choice of words have misled you. afterall, i'm local & born & raised in HK.
the thing with me is, i carry my daughter all the time which i think is normal, unlike a lot of my friends who think their DH should be carrying their offspring. my daughter is 30lbs+ but i'm more than happy to do it. even though it meant falling down this Monday carrying her walking on Stanley Street & couldn't walk for the next 2 days. i still insisted on carrying a cane & bringing her to playgroups myself, altho both the bone specialist & my hubby said i should stay home & get some rest so that my leg could heal. for those of you who are concerned, my leg is getting so much better thanks to homeopath, i could walk without my cane today.
the thing with me is, i carry my daughter all the time which i think is normal, unlike a lot of my friends who think their DH should be carrying their offspring. my daughter is 30lbs+ but i'm more than happy to do it. even though it meant falling down this Monday carrying her walking on Stanley Street & couldn't walk for the next 2 days. i still insisted on carrying a cane & bringing her to playgroups myself, altho both the bone specialist & my hubby said i should stay home & get some rest so that my leg could heal. for those of you who are concerned, my leg is getting so much better thanks to homeopath, i could walk without my cane today.
*me thinking aloud* - i just wish this HappyV person would be for once less crtical about everything. i feel genuinely sorry for a person to be so negative in everything one sees, and trying to find fault in everything.
*me asking aloud* - administrators, i find it difficult to believe such bitter person do exist in reality. or is he/she just a virtual reality member geobaby has created to act as the devil's advocate?
*me asking aloud* - administrators, i find it difficult to believe such bitter person do exist in reality. or is he/she just a virtual reality member geobaby has created to act as the devil's advocate?
I was responding to the comment you made about your baby in the back of the car - not the comment about yur DH helping you to shop. I haven't made any comment which could lead you to think that I am attacking, belittleing or criticising your language or culture. However, you have made it clear that you believe my ideas about your situation are based on your race - I can assure you that they are not. It is infact you who have misread or misundestood my post.
Critical about "Everything" - hardly. You have acknowleged yourself that your comments may open you up to criticism. I have not attacked you - I have stated why I disagree with your approach. You probably would tell me that I am too lenient with my helper - that she doesn't work hard enough, or that I should set some more boundaries. Every employer will have a different set of parametres within which they expect their DH to work - but we should also be honest that there is a spectrum of behaviour here, ranging from the fantastic to the abusive. As I said before, helper's hours whoudl not just be about what is 'legal' - but what is reasonable. 'Reasonable' is open to debate - which is what is happening here.
I an assure you that I am not a 'troll'! (i.e a false identity set up by another user). I just have strong opinions on the treatment of Domestic Helpers in HK.
Critical about "Everything" - hardly. You have acknowleged yourself that your comments may open you up to criticism. I have not attacked you - I have stated why I disagree with your approach. You probably would tell me that I am too lenient with my helper - that she doesn't work hard enough, or that I should set some more boundaries. Every employer will have a different set of parametres within which they expect their DH to work - but we should also be honest that there is a spectrum of behaviour here, ranging from the fantastic to the abusive. As I said before, helper's hours whoudl not just be about what is 'legal' - but what is reasonable. 'Reasonable' is open to debate - which is what is happening here.
I an assure you that I am not a 'troll'! (i.e a false identity set up by another user). I just have strong opinions on the treatment of Domestic Helpers in HK.
Haven't been replying to any of the helper threads, but have read them. Happy V, sorry to disagree, but you do come across as being critical on all issues dealing with helpers and there is nothing wrong with it, that being your opinion. However, I think most people on this forum would agree that a lot of your comments do sound overly judgmental and negative (even though most of the mothers come across as very reasonable in the treatment of their helpers) and it is not a figment of their imagination. Even if it's not how it's meant to sound, in reality, that's how it comes across. Guess that's the way it is with communication on the web, that conversations are shortened and condensed and things may sound differently than they are meant. Just felt to say it cos JoanneK has always sounded reasonable towards her helper and loving towards her daughter and did not deserve the comments of sacarsm or criticism.
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