Helper issues. help please

[hknewbie12]

Though this post is a bit late, i still would like to say: treat your helpers kindly and feed them because they need energy to burn to get the daily hard job done. Based from what i have read here, all 3 helpers are from Arrow yet only one didn't work out well. I am not judging the one whose helper been telling lies since i don't know her personally, it seemed to me the helper has been fabricating lies just to get out of their house to the point of saying the children will be at risk. Aside from others wanting to fool the agency in order not to pay the fee which they owe from a lending company back home, and others wanting to have Caucasian employers, these helpers who are capable of telling so many lies are signs that they want wanna go out for reasons being they are not happy with the working condition anymore. So ask yourself first have you had treated your helper fairly, have you fed her enough eating 3 times a day? Based from the many stories i have heard, helpers are not happy mainly because of food and the amount of work she needs to do. Should be the bigger the responsibilities, the nicer and the more generous the employers should be and these traits are with the Caucasians. For i don't see any reason why a helper, who owed and spent a lot of money just to get here will risk her DH job and return home with nothing and start from zero again.
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[carang]

sorry, but i don't see ANYTHING in the OP that warrants the implication that they are not treating their helper kindly.

NOTHING you can say would make me think that threatening the safety of children is ok.

 

[rs2000]

hknewbie12,

how, on earth, did you infer from my post that we were not treating her well? and thanks for telling us the traits of caucasians! there is'nt any such thing as traits based on skin color! this is just the mentality that prevails in Asia wherein people just admire anything that the "westeners" do

Anyways, coming back to the point!

she threatened the safety of my kids literally, we felt so unsafe that I paid her tickets and she went off without 1 month notice
we have had VERY BAD experience with ARROW. the first helper gave us a really really hard time with respect to not doing anything that was asked. she tested our patience all the time(read my posts from last year if you are interested). Then comes the second helper who was here for the first time as DH. The moment she stepped in, there was a lady from Arrow with her who informed me that how this lady did not like chinese food and had only rice for lunch that day. Anyways, she did not like the food we cooked so we literally got her food from outside breads and let her buy her own. It was a special duty for us to cook our own food while also cater to her needs. Read my posts on how she complained about back ache 2 weeks after starting the work (not that we asked her to do weight lifting, just normal household cleaing). she refused to goto doctor or have medicine, saying that she only had herbal medicines from philipines and she did not want any.
she would complain about feeling cold if I asked her to take my kid to play area (she had ample warm clothes btw), just that it was cold outside and she did not want to go. then she started lying about her husband, etc etc to the point that she one day said her mother (who was dead years back) had died again.
When I contacted Arrow, they spoke to her and did not inform me about what was going on. she had mood swings. in the end I came to know that her husband left his job after she came here and refused to pay money to the agents back in philipines. she basically did not want him to stay at home while she works here in HK. he was not even retrinign teh debt to the agent so she wanted to return asap

now the best part is, when she returned back, she told Arrow representative that how we did not give her food (a white lie), and also how we made her sleep at 1 am (i asked her here and she said she never said anytugn like that. she was ff work at 10 pm btw) and the best was "her thumb felt numb while making dough and she felt she will be paralayzed if she kept working for us" and this is when she used to make dough for 1 indian roti for my kid. trust me even a 10 years old can do it. btw the Arrow respresentative in manilla is the one who reccomended the 1st helper to us saying she was very competent with kids. she never said sorry or apologized. Infact, in order to save her face, she actually said she believes whatever the helper told her about us.

In the end, the agency that I found in teh forums reading "Arrow really hit the spot for us" gave us a real bad experience in the end. I really feel angry at them and at all the recommendations about them here & elsewhere

and also, I was just sharing my experience. your point of view can be different & i dont want to justify what I said or did any further. thanks for the understanding

 

[mummymoo]

HKnewbie12, just like to point out that threatening the safety of children is not a white lie it is a THREAT!
Anyway I'm not sure what you are going on about with the lack of food and energy to do the helper's job with regard to this thread. If you have some axe to grind about asian employers or helpers conditions find an appropriate outlet!

 

[rani]

have you fed her enough eating 3 times a day?

That's just ridiculous! She's a grown woman and should be able to feed herself! Most families have stocked fridges and cupboards and helpers still complain they don't get enough food. They are responsible for the cooking and marketing. She should ensure she's cooking enough to feed the family and herself.

 

[thanka2]

Not to haze the new kid but did anyone else kind of burst out laughing when hknewbie12 posted? It's all very subjective, I think. Yes, of course helpers would have some issues "with the amount of work they are required to do" but that could vary greatly. I mean, just like in any other job out there, there are some employees who think they've done the boss a favor simply by arriving at work every day. There are others who will put up with poor treatment from an employer because they feel they can't speak up or they think it's normal. There are extremes and it just depends on what the helper is expecting and what the employer does.

Helpers not getting enough food is actually a problem. I was shocked to find out about this. Some people really ration out the helper's food. One lady we know said that her employers ate out a lot and they would bring her along--they didn't stock much food in their house--but they would order their meals and then pre-portion out how much food they felt the helper needed and give her that and not ask whether she needed more or not--so like "You get a 1/2 cup of rice and a 1/2 cup of veggies and 2 chicken wings." Then they would eat the rest. So, she was kind of in a constant state of semi-starvation. They also didn't give her a food budget because, "We are feeding her from our common food." I can't even imagine that! But, I'm sure in this case with your domestic helper, rs2000 it wasn't like this. That is just flat-out ridiculous!

I think there is something to the "Caucasian" thing--not that it's true but I think that is the perception of some helpers that working for a "foreign family" will ensure better treatment or an easier workload. There is a stereotype out there like this.

I know from listening to my husband's family talk about helpers the role of helpers is really seen differently between most "Westerners" and "Local Chinese." Helpers are considered "lower class" and "uneducated" and therefore don't really "deserve the same amount of politeness." You simply speak in commands and a good helper is one that does what you want. (But, I mean, I think that sure, everyone wants their helper to do what they want.) My husband used to talk to our helper like, "Do this. Do that." It used to bother me because I am big on "please", "thank you", "would you mind..." etc. etc. He has softened his tone a bit. But, this is just my experience in our family about how domestic helpers are viewed.

 

[thanka2]

That's just ridiculous! She's a grown woman and should be able to feed herself! Most families have stocked fridges and cupboards and helpers still complain they don't get enough food. They are responsible for the cooking and marketing. She should ensure she's cooking enough to feed the family and herself.

You'd assume that they would and I'm pretty sure most people on this forum who hire a helper DO have stocked fridges and their helpers have access to food.

But, there are definitely employers out there who have a lot of "off limits" for their helpers or like I posted before ration out food because they honestly don't really consider the helper equal to themselves with similar nutritional needs. It does happen.

Hopefully not with people who post here, though!

 

[charade]

That's just ridiculous! She's a grown woman and should be able to feed herself! Most families have stocked fridges and cupboards and helpers still complain they don't get enough food. They are responsible for the cooking and marketing. She should ensure she's cooking enough to feed the family and herself.

My helper told us her previous employer used to give her 10$ to buy pork for the entire family and apportion her a small cube a day. She was really thin when she joined us, and now has a nice little tummy that all her friends laugh at.

 

[HK2008]

My helper told us her previous employer used to give her 10$ to buy pork for the entire family and apportion her a small cube a day. She was really thin when she joined us, and now has a nice little tummy that all her friends laugh at.

Or maybe the employer is in fact really poor? I mean the $10 meat is for the whole family, isn't it? If the helper can still get a small cube out of that, I'd say it's not bad, eh? Sorry for the sarcastic tone, but most times we need to hear both sides of the story to pass a judgment.

 

[mummymoo]

I agree with HK2008. I've seen one pretty messed up situation where the family had an elder who had had a stroke plus other illnesses and to go into a public nursing home would cost 6000 or something like that per month, as a consequence they decided to hire a helper to look after the grandfather (cheaper option) and live in their tiny flat as there is little by the way of another choice for the family. That or else turn him out brutally and hope social services does something for him. They were pretty poor and just getting by.
I mean honestly, if the whole family has only $10 for pork and the helper gets some - then to be fair, that family must on some level be good. I'm sure faced with a similar situation most mothers and fathers would reduce their own inatke for their children and the helper would go without.