need to not feel blue today.

[1stimemum]

hi , my 16 mth old boy is social and takes to everyone, my husband, me and helper but lately he has definite opinions about who he likes. Right now he only wants the helper every morning and when I picked him up this morning out of bed, he just kept crying for her!!!

friends have told me they always know who mummy is but WHEN... right now he seems to think helper is mummy.

i spend all my afternoons from 2pm with him. Reading and playing in the afternoons is all me. Feeding/ bathing is whoever is free - not rigid.

I was so hurt i burst into tears the minute i could do so privately.

feeling very blue

 

[jvn]

I know it's hard but try not to worry, I think it's just a phase. My boy is exactly the same and I'm a SAHM so he sees me all day and definitely prefers to be carried around and play with our helper at the moment. It is hurtful but it's a combination of things, the helper is more fun as I'm the source of all discipline and routine in his life ;-) whereas it's her job to play with him. Of course he's going to incline towards the person who doesn't lay down the law as much and is happy to spend hours playing the same games with him!

I also think it's a stage that they go through with all their carers, sometimes it will be Daddy who is favourite sometimes you sometimes the helper, it's natural and it's about testing their boundaries and finding their place in the world. It's a good sign that they feel safe enough to push you away knowing that you will still love them unconditionally.

Children do crave boundaries and routine in their lives, they need a mother to be a mother who does the difficult stuff as well as the fun stuff, a helper is more like a big sister - that's what people mean when they say they know who the mother is. You won't always be the best friend or favourite companion to play with (this will be true as they get older and have schoolfriends too) but you will always be their mother.

It's difficult but try to relax and appreciate the fun moments the two of you have together and how lucky your baby is to have two people who are happy to play with him and care for him during the day even if it means that sometimes you have to take a back seat. He doesn't love you any less because of it.

 

[Biggie]

It's very normal. Really just try to appreciate that you have a good helper that he likes, and you can use the time off to go do sth yourself, like go for a run, manicure, massage, etc.
My son only wants helper to put him to sleep as well. And sometimes he only wants helper, sometimes me.

 

[1stimemum]

thanks all, I am SAHM too so I cant be anymore at home than I am!!! right now i'm busy in the mornings taking some classes but I always make a point to be home by 1pm.

its true though that mothers usually are the strict ones, well in my h/hold definitely. I'm the one who says NO to him and daddy is super fun and helper just plays with him. Actually i wonder how they do it. She can play the same game with that samesmile on her face for hours, frankly I'ld go a bit mad!

i really cant wait for this phase to be over though. I'm taking him out this afternoon to the playground just the two of us, hoping to get some us time in.

 

[jvn]

its true though that mothers usually are the strict ones, well in my h/hold definitely. I'm the one who says NO to him and daddy is super fun and helper just plays with him. Actually i wonder how they do it. She can play the same game with that samesmile on her face for hours, frankly I'ld go a bit mad!

Gosh yes, I get so bored playing the same, same thing time after time but my helper has so much patience for it, I like to think we both bring different skills to the table with this childrearing thing!

 

[taysty]

I'm experiencing what 1stimemum is going through. I just tell myself to give my baby more time as i just started to be a SAHM. And I think my helper is 10 times more creative them me when playing with her. I can only tell myself my helper is more experience as she handle so many babies/toddlers before mine. I count myself lucky but I felt upset about it too.

 

[1stimemum]

hi taysty, you're right. My helper has taken care of 3 charges previously so of course they have more experience which is a blessing to us. We just have to keep going but it helps to know other mums understand what we feel.

Today is better but baby is definitely playing favourites!

 

[taysty]

We are really lucky to have a helper like ours. I used to think no SAHM will be in my shoes. It's great to know that I'm not alone.

Hope your baby "playing favourite" phase pass soon.

 

[howardcoombs]

Hope your baby "playing favourite" phase pass soon.

Unfortunately, it doesnt pass but rather it morphs.
Next will be "I like daddy more than you because you are mean to me" around ages 7-10
Followed a few years later with "I hate you all, you just dont understand" around ages 12-16
Get used to it and develop a thicker skin and hope the teenager years will not be too hurtful.
*smile*

HC

 

[howardcoombs]

Hope your baby "playing favourite" phase pass soon.

Unfortunately, it doesnt pass but rather it morphs.
Next will be "I like daddy more than you because you are mean to me" around ages 7-10
Followed a few years later with "I hate you all, you just dont understand" around ages 12-16
Get used to it and develop a thicker skin and hope the teenager years will not be too hurtful.
*smile*

HC